Secret Colony of Cybernetic Cats Discovered! by CM

A family of campers hiking in the Montana wilderness, 2020, stumbled across a secret government project: cybernetic cats; government officials let out stunning secrets as the public presses in on so called “Area 52”.

H.M, an official that was working on this top-secret project says: “After World War II, we didn’t want another horrific war tearing apart our world. We wanted better soldiers, cybernetic ones, after learning about the safety risks we decided to start with cats.”

These so called cyber-kitties can run at seventy miles per hour, shoot machine guns, an sprint on their hind legs.

“We didn’t expect the kitties to be so strong, but they work out great.” says H.M., admitting that the team never thought the cats would work out.

Even though most are excited with these cyborgs, some have complaints: “How can we trust our government to not hurt these cats?” asks Pernelle McDuff, a breeder in Persians.

Many agree with Ms. McDuff, 42, about these experiments.

“How many cats have died in Area 52?” asks a conservationist,

“And how long before they experiment on other creatures, even humans.”




All over the world, citizens of many countries are wondering the same thing: what else is being hidden from us?

World Largest Phone Falls Out Of 50th Story Window!!!! HUNDREDS Sent To ER!!! by LN

The world's largest phone created by Jeff Jefferson fell out of the window of his 50th floor apartment in New York City on July 26, 2020, killing 38 and injuring hundreds. Jeff accidentally called his ex-wife and when he went to hang up the phone, he pushed it out the window! 

When the phone fell, it landed on its back. The case and screen then broke, spraying shattered glass and shards of the case everywhere. Later, the local hospitals had hundreds of people rushing into the ER. 324 people were rushed into surgery with severe puncture wounds. 38 people died while being operated on. 

It took 100 people and a crane to lift the phone. Once they did, the phone was sent to the nearest dump, never to be seen again. 

A Metaphor Poem and Police File Case On Cat For Eating His Own Donut!!!! by SP

A Metaphor Poem

Mountain Of Milk. You are soft but not hard. Why? We climb up to you and you feel hard. Solid
to a liquid and back and forth it goes

Where would a mountain of milk go. As you are so hard. The outside is hard the inside is soft
you know what I mean Mount Christoff? You have the best sights, people make art of you.
You are acknowledged but not enough. Why o mountain do we think you are so rough.Are
blizzards and heat waves not enough? Mountain of milk you are truly soft. Not on the outside
but on the inside. You let Gutzon Borglum carve men into you. Did they ever say thank you?
You are kind, o Mountain of Milk 

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Police Files Case On Cat! For Eating His Own Donut!

Today on Rockford Ln Hennepin County police officer John Stevensburg filed a case on a stray
cat for eating his own donut after he set it down to talk to some people, the cat leapt of of
a tree and supposedly broke the law by eating the donut and trying to run away before
police officer Stevensburg caught it and put handcuffs on the cats paws while the cat resisted
and tried to run away.

The cat has been put to trial but so far it is not cooperating with a series of meows and more
meows.This is a very big crime and offence to the police. The government has also put
a vote of whether or not the cat should be put to justice. The police are very angry at the cat
and they also think that this cat could be part of the Paw Paw gang.

They are tracing paw prints to see if there were other cats and if
this was a planned crime. So far until today the Paw Paw gang has never shown their whiskers.

But people have reported that they have seen cats that look cute but are evil.
They act like regular cats but behind our backs they steal our cookies. Why our cookies? 

The cats are there beware.

Clouds Turn into Sheep, Put Cities to Sleep by BP

After the passing of a previously undiscovered comet, clouds all around the world have morphed into sheep, which are now flying over our cities, putting anyone that looks at them into a deep slumber, from which they can only be awoken by having 12 fl oz(355 mL) of Dr. Pepper poured onto their face.

The sheep clouds look like any average sheep but they are many times larger, varying in shades of whites and grays. Looking at the sheep with the naked eye will result in falling into a deep sleep. The first reports came in around sunrise from all over the world, however they were few and far between due to the slumber that many eye witnesses were placed under. The comet supposedly emitted some kind of mystical radiation, which caused the clouds to morph. At the moment, there has not been a clear motive identified for the sheep, although some experts speculate that it could be a malicious attempt to have the citizens of Earth waste their worldly drink, Dr. Pepper.

Squirrels Overrun Area 51!!!! by JJ

Recently Area 51 was assaulted by blood thirsty squirrels, who were sick of being treated like animals humans quickly evacuated as the numbers of squirrels quickly increased, President Trump sent in the U.S. Air Force, but it was quickly crushed by the millions of squirrels.

Soon squirrels had destroyed all research and experiments. The Marines were ordered to assault the new “Squirrel Empire.” But by the time they got there the squirrels had already found out the wonders of the anti- aircraft cannon and how to work a tank! The Marines were quickly annihilated by the sneak attack. The military generals and commanders were furious. They wondered, “HOW COULD RODENTS BEAT THEIR FORCES?!”

It was time to send in the big guns. All military forces that were not currently engaged in war were sent to the new squirrel base to secure it. The squirrels quickly found this out because they had modified some of their comrade’s brains so they now had IQs over 300. Now the super-smart squirrels could hack the system. This is all the information we could collect about this massacre.

Overall, this event remains a big mystery to mankind.